Most of us were raised to live by the Golden Rule: “Treat others as you would like to be treated.” It’s been the foundation of ethics and kindness in both personal and professional settings. However, the limitation of this rule is its core assumption—that everyone wants to be treated the same way you do. In a workplace that increasingly values diversity, personalization, and inclusion, this one-size-fits-all mindset can unintentionally fall short of truly supporting or motivating others.

Leaders today are better served by embracing the Platinum Rule: “Treat others the way they want to be treated.” This shift moves the focus from personal preference to individual understanding. It’s not about changing who you are or giving in to unreasonable demands—it’s about recognizing what drives each member of your team and showing respect for those differences in how you lead, coach, and communicate.

In The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, author Gary Chapman highlights how understanding individual preferences for recognition leads to higher job satisfaction, better team relationships, and lower burnout rates. These five “languages” provide a guide for how to meaningfully express appreciation in a personalized way that resonates with each employee.

  • Words of Affirmation: A prompt and sincere thank-you message—whether verbal or written—can go a long way. For those who value this form of appreciation, it’s especially powerful when tied to specific achievements or efforts, especially during moments of stress or self-doubt.
  • Quality Time: Scheduled, uninterrupted time with a leader or mentor is essential for those who seek connection and collaboration. Regular check-ins, brainstorming sessions, or time carved out for personal development conversations all send a message that their growth and voice matter.
  • Acts of Service: Simple, helpful gestures—like stepping in during a high-pressure deadline or offering hands-on support—can speak volumes. For employees who value this language, these actions demonstrate respect, attentiveness, and a shared sense of responsibility.
  • Tangible Gifts: These don’t have to be extravagant. Thoughtful, personalized tokens—such as their favorite snack, an unexpected break, or a meaningful work anniversary recognition—create emotional resonance and show attentiveness to the individual.
  • Physical Touch: While this is the most situational and culture-dependent language in the workplace, it still applies when appropriate. A warm handshake, a pat on the back, or even non-verbal cues like posture and eye contact can signal openness and care.

Despite good intentions, there is often a significant gap between what managers think they’re doing and how employees perceive it. A recent Gallup report highlights this disconnect, noting that although a majority of managers believe they regularly recognize their team members, far fewer employees agree. This gap illustrates the importance of expressing appreciation in the language that aligns with each individual’s values—not your own default preference.

Regardless of communication or appreciation style, there are universal truths about what employees need to thrive. Among the most essential are opportunities for growth and meaningful communication. Employees want to be challenged, not just occupied. A role filled only with low-skill, repetitive tasks signals that their talents aren’t being fully utilized, and it’s only a matter of time before motivation fades. Balancing foundational tasks with strategic or stretch assignments conveys that you see potential and are willing to invest in it. When leaders intentionally match tasks to an individual’s strengths and interests, engagement increases naturally—and so does performance.

Equally critical is the need for honest, transparent communication. Great leaders aren’t just good at delivering a message—they connect with people. They understand that communication isn’t only about clarity; it’s also about empathy, relevance, and trust. Including employees in meaningful conversations, rather than withholding information until a decision is made, builds credibility and reduces the kind of speculation that can create confusion or anxiety. In the absence of communication, people will fill the silence with their own assumptions, and that can be more damaging than any hard truth.

Employees want to feel heard, valued, and included—and that begins with knowing them as individuals. When leaders move beyond the Golden Rule and lead with curiosity, intention, and adaptability, the results are not just stronger teams but more authentic and resilient cultures.